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Two true stories around me.

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛1. Every year the director of our group have two parties. In last summer party, one of my colleague brought his girl friend and the son(about 3 years old) of his girl friend. He introduced to others: it's my son. We're surprised, and one lady asked:" I didn't know you have a son since you joined us four years ago, where did he come from?" He said the boy was his girl friend's son. Now they married and will have their twins this July. My colleague treats the boy like his own son and play with him very well. I believe he will still love the boy even after he has his own twins.
2. My son has a buddy in the day care and I always meet the boy's mother because our offices are near. One day the lady told me that the her son is adopted. She came from Caribbean, her husband came from Malysia, and their son came from India. They loved him very much and they don't think it need to hide the truth.
I'm impressed by them. I understand that Chinese always can not treat others' children like that way. I even asked my husband " Can you do like that?" He said it's very hard. I also think so. But we will try to do better, it'll let us happier.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下沙龙 / 谈天说地 / 老公要给他的孩子(他和前妻)办移民,我该怎么做?
    一年多前我和他结婚了.结婚后发现他经常瞒着我给孩子钱,估计他收入的
    一半,这让我很伤心,同时为了他经常的看孩子也发生很多矛盾,最难受的就
    是在我生病时,他为了接送孩子把我扔在一边,还认为我太娇气,真的很伤感情).我相信他很爱我,但同时更爱他的孩子. 出来后我们生活的平静也快乐.我有了
    一份正式的工作,他还要继续学习. 这时候孩子的问题经常困扰着我. 我们年龄
    都不小了,希望有自己的孩子,作为女人如果没有亲自生儿育女对我将是
    毕生的遗憾. 而作为父亲的他也经常为不能亲自照顾自己的孩子而伤感.
    一方面我很理解他的心情,一方面又非常非常害怕过去的一年来恶梦般
    的生活(那时真想离婚!)又重新再回来.
    朋友劝我和他好好谈谈,可是以前也曾经谈过,总是不了了之.
    我该怎么办?
    • If you love him, love his son. You will not lose anything.
      But it's too easy to say that, I know. Anyway, good luck.
    • Try to have a long talk with him, let him know your feeling,your worry. I think if he loves you, he must care what you are thinking. Don't worry. Be happy.
    • Two true stories around me.
      本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛1. Every year the director of our group have two parties. In last summer party, one of my colleague brought his girl friend and the son(about 3 years old) of his girl friend. He introduced to others: it's my son. We're surprised, and one lady asked:" I didn't know you have a son since you joined us four years ago, where did he come from?" He said the boy was his girl friend's son. Now they married and will have their twins this July. My colleague treats the boy like his own son and play with him very well. I believe he will still love the boy even after he has his own twins.
      2. My son has a buddy in the day care and I always meet the boy's mother because our offices are near. One day the lady told me that the her son is adopted. She came from Caribbean, her husband came from Malysia, and their son came from India. They loved him very much and they don't think it need to hide the truth.
      I'm impressed by them. I understand that Chinese always can not treat others' children like that way. I even asked my husband " Can you do like that?" He said it's very hard. I also think so. But we will try to do better, it'll let us happier.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
      • 谢谢大家的鼓励
        实际上我是一个很爱孩子的人.但是出于种种原因,考虑到可能他的孩子(已经10岁了)不一定能接受我,将来住在一起会发生很多的矛盾.而如果过几年再
        来,几个孩子的教育和抚养是否能承受得起,又是另外的问题.真是左右为难!
    • 能给前妻办移民么?如果他真的办了,你可以考虑离婚。至于他总去看儿子,你必须允许他,那是人之常情。可如果为了儿子而对你生病不管不顾,那就又当别论,除非他当时实在没办法分身。替男人想想,也不容易。
      • 确实如此,这正是我能原谅他,并且没有分手的原因,但是今后这种事相信会更多,在这里举目无亲,如果我们不能和平共处,将来在有一个小孩的拖累,真是很可怕的事情.
        • 我觉得关键还是你们两个人要交流. 有很多事情, 双方不谈开会产生很多误会.比如说你生病的时候很需要他照顾, 而他可能认为那是小病,根本没有关系. 你心里很委屈, 他会认为你小题大做. 时间久了两人心里都会积怨, 问题就严重了.
      • 是给和前妻生的孩子办移民。感觉你很自私,作为孩子来说,他才是真正的受害者。作为亲生父亲对他多一点关心,也是应该的。你既然爱他,就应该爱他的孩子,视如己出。怎么和一个十岁的孩子争风吃醋呢?
        • 对不起,没看明白原标题,胡乱评论。以后注意。
    • 你应该庆幸你拥有一位合格的老公。
      一个人男人, 如果因为’爱情‘, 连亲身骨肉都不顾,
      那他不是一个有良心的男人, 或者说他不是一个有人性
      的人。

      一个人, 能为你而对其他人无情, 将来也一定能为其他
      人或事, 对你无情。

      女人, 为了小家, 而对老公的行为有所限制, 很正常。
      但如果对男人的爱心加以限制, 你不但害了你老公, 到
      头来, 必定会害你自己?

      跟一个心地善良的人白头谐老, 多么令人放心呀。

      请支持你老公的爱心。
      • 我觉得wjiang说得很有道理。
      • What you said is perfectly music to ears.But you are a men, right? So you cannot understand a woman's pain in the same situation like hers.
        I am sure she has absolutely tried to contain her husband as possible as she can. On the contrary, I get a feeling that her husband doesn't do what a qualified husband should do.I mean as a husband with so complicated background, he should know to court balance between his child and wife.Anyway, it is his responsibility, right?I believe the woman will not complain any more if he can give her more care and attention.
      • Fully agree with you, wjiang And I am also touched by your points. Looking forward to your more posts!
      • This husband and wjiang are not real men.
        This studying husband does nothing for family and spends his wife's money to support his child. It is not a man. If he wants to be a real man a woman expects and admires, he should take life pressure, give family best he can, then support anybody he wants and ask his wife loving for his child. Otherwise, he will be a loser again.
    • 你当初嫁给他时就权衡过利弊,基于你是一凡人的假设成立,你就不能要求生活完美无缺。若你接受这个假设,那么你就会快乐起来。
      • 你们每个人说的话都很有道理
        你们每个人说的话都很有道理,这些我也都想过.或许是自己比较自私吧.
        想想如果是自己的孩子,可能不会考虑什么经济问题,什么不好相处的事情.
        现在面对的可能是一个对你充满敌意,年龄不大也不小,如果让他现在来,
        将来的生活无法想象,或许好或许很糟,这个决定会影响我们的一生.如果
        让他将来大了再来,或许敌意更深,而且经济上可能负担更重(学费就是一大笔). 真是左右为难!
        • 与己方便,先与人方便,有爱心的人走到那里都受欢迎,你给孩子一份爱,老公回给你10倍的爱,你给孩子一份冷落,老公会10倍偿还你!
        • 你的担忧集中在与孩子的关系和经济负担问题上。我感觉这两个问题都不是无法解决的,首先要改变的是你的态度。
          确实10岁的孩子正是半懂不懂的时期,但是正确的引导是能够改变他的观念的。如果你自己先拒绝用善意的态度去对待,在这种环境下生长起来的孩子有什么样的心理就难说了。

          关于经济负担。我的房东夫妻俩个都是打“牛工“的,纯粹靠出卖体力挣钱养家。可是他们都很乐观,不但尽力保证孩子现在的教育,而且早早就为两个孩子的未来做好了打算。这是个家庭理财的问题,相信你们的专业人士应当比他们做得好。

          很高兴看到你能认识到自己可能的问题所在,希望你能对症下药,以积极乐观的态度去对待这个问题。